The pits

So, I dragged myself out of bed and headed towards the warrior pits. They need a lot of tending to, which is mostly taken care of by others of the organisation, but it does require some supervision. Though I've imbibed more rum than is conducive to such explanation, I will attempt to convey the purpose, and indeed the genius, of the warrior pits. I have previous mentioned my breeding of the platypusmen. The reason they are so deadly is twofold.

1) They have the poison delivery system of the average platypus in each hind limb, only concentrated a hundredfold.
2) They are bred in the warrior pits, and only the most deadly from each pit lives long enough to become a fully functioning member of the garden.

How the pits work is simplicity itself. Approximately 20 platypusmen are kept in each pit. They are bathed regularly in either tobasco or hot sauce, as the spice enhaces flavour and increases aggresion. They are left to fight it out, and eat the losers, until the most effective/most ruthless warrior from each pit is left alive, and joins our family. Its but one of many experiments being exercised by our organisation with the ultimate goal of keeping the garden, well, tidy. Looking at pit epsilon, I can't imagine any other than 529 being the successful candidate.

In all truthfulness, although I was one of the progenitors of the experiment, and therefore am to a degree held responsible for my children, as I have come to think of them, I can't but help think of the pits as ever so slightly distasteful. That said, if you were to see the alternative, you'd agree there are worse things in this garden.

Though I call this my garden, there are yet those areas held by other forces, some of whom we can safely treat as friends and neighbours, but there are some who desire nothing more than to bring disharmony to the whole affair. The ninja monkeys, for the most part, have done a more than admirable job of keeping such forces at bay, but their clandestine activities can only achieve so much. The warrior pits are intended as a temporary measure to provide a more permanant solution. Once we have a self-sustainable breed of warrior platypusman, we can sucessfully protect borders. This supplemented by both the current endeavours of the ninja monkeys and the fruits of my own adventuring should be all it takes to keep this garden in the order it was surely intended.

As you may have gathered, this being a slow season for my adventuring, following my inspection of the pits and a brief conditioning session, I decided to call in on a favourite alehouse in the locality, whereupon much merriment was made, in the form of both song and dance. Followed by the obligatory drunken stagger back to the domicile.

Oh how I want to impart all the knowledge of the garden upon the weary traveller now in my dunken reverie, lest it provide some solace, or even protection from the many and varied perils, but I fear there is too much, and therefore I will only share what knowledge I have as it becomes of use, to provide respite from the immediate dangers, and to build confidence in the custodians of this realm.